For all my optimistic rambling, I've become much more quiet than I used to be and there are days I "live inside my head" as my friend scott likes to say. Scotty lives almost entirely inside his head. He swears it's safer there where you're freer from judgement and guilt. I can't really agree on my part but perhaps that's the difference between us. It's not as gloomy as one might think. That very phrase "living inside your head" has the tendency to incur sidelong glances and raised eyebrows everyone save the most understanding of friends. It's more pensive than anything and all I can think about is that line from "My Favorite Chords" by the Weakerthans that repeats over and over in my head:
"You are a radio. You are an open door. I am a faulty string of blue Christmas lights. You swim through frequencies. You let that stranger in, as I'm blinking off and on and off again."
More than anything I keep remembering the summers that have come before and I crave with an intensity I can't describe to relive every waking moment of the past four years of my life (the good, the bad, and the ugly) if only just to have for one second the chance to feel that kind of love again.
A 20-something's exploration of life, love, the pursuit of happiness, and art.
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